Croatia

Reports

Split Down the Middle of Central Europe

As hundreds of virgins see me off from lively Krakow, I train south to Bratislava where I find more of the same, with lots of cows. Craving Gonzo action, I Indiana Jones a 20-hour train through three countries to Split on Croatia’s Dalmation Coast where I find turquoise waters, violent one-legged war heroes and an old friend. As I party under the stars at a huge beach party, Gonzo pride is faithfully restored.

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Hvar Out of My Element on the Dalmatian Coast

When everything is perfect, something is wrong. The beautiful islands in the Adriatic, described as havens for international jetsetters, are exactly that - international villages marketed to millionaires looking for sublime three-week vacations. As I age gracefully and corrupt youth on the quiet island of Vis, the larger island of Hvar sends me deep into Gonzo despair. Fortunately, I find a solution to scare away any potential murderers.

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And then the Bastard shot me, in Dubrovnik

And then the bastard shot me. First in the thigh, then in the wrist. It was revenge for my earlier killings, but that’s paintball for you. Discovering the “Pearl of the Adriatic”, I also discover my inner soldier, attack an ATV, free jump the walls of the magnificent Old Town, and sea kayak to a haunted island. It’s an action packed Gonzo week during a full blown tourist invasion, and now I really do look like a muppet.

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Eat, Sleep, Play

Remember, these are only the places I managed to get to, representing not a splash in the ocean, a fart in a hot tub, a mullet in a trailer park, a…you get the idea. read more

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Gonzo Gallery in Croatia

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