The Not-a-Week Off: Sydney to Auckland

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Now it’s a few days later, and I’m standing on the edge of Auckland’s Sky Tower, about to jump off the highest needle of concrete in the southern hemisphere. At 192m, it’s also the world’s highest tower jump, as if any other lunatic nations allow tourists to leap off their telecommunications towers. I had bade my sad farewell to friends and family in Sydney (when I see Phoenix next, will he still be a baby Buddha?), hopped on the plane, and landed three hours and one thousand miles southeast later on another island country, New Zealand. Many people think that New Zealand and Australia are pretty much the same, what with the flags being almost identical and their unusual obsession with sheep. But New Zealand, thankfully, is very much not Australia. The indigenous population, the Maoris, were not subject to genocide, although the British gave it jolly good effort in the 1800’s. Maoris fought back, and when a Maori fights back, it’s time to climb into your picnic hamper and make a poop. As a people, they are proud, big, brave, big, fierce, big, fearless, and did I mention big? Some of the locals passing me on the pavements of Auckland needed a wide berth, and that was just for their tattooed biceps. In any event, the Maoris refused to become a beaten people, and are amongst the few indigenous people in the world to resist European colonialism. Stories of Maori men running into battle with erections, true or not, are enough to make any man poop, picnic hamper or not. Today, New Zealand is a rare example where the indigenous culture and colonial past blend into a distinct nation. While there are still many social issues to be resolved, Maoris are integrated, integral, and give New Zealand its unmistakable edge. Otherwise, it might just be another chunk of England in the South Pacific, which would be a tragedy for so many reasons.

Base-jumping usually involves a leap off a building, a few seconds of freefall, and then a parachute (or death, whichever comes first). This was a little different. I was attached to a wire by a harness, wrapped around my overalls in bright superhero colours. The wire recoils and through some ingenious New Zealand engineering, slows me down to about 75km/hr, easing up so that I can land gently on the street platform below. It’s not as extreme as true base jumping, or bungee for that matter, but leaping off a building is leaping off a building. I had no intention of actually doing this, but the German girl on the platform was kinda cute and when she found out I was a travel writer, well, this is what travel writers live for. Here was the first of what would be many, many waiver forms. Up the elevator with the neato glass floor, safety check, deep breath, “Goooooonzzzzzzoooooo!” I was actually conscious during my descent, feeling like Superman swooping in from the clouds. After a few seconds, I was on the ground, my right leg shaking like a horny hound dog, my hands vibrating like a junkie in a blizzard. As with all these extreme activities, it’s over before you know it, and all I could do was trudge off to an Internet café to email my friends of my latest achievement in stupidity. Yet nothing makes me feel more alive than flirting with death (except possibly, eating homemade nachos with fresh guacamole). Sky jumping by wire - the perfect introduction to New Zealand.

Auckland felt like any other western urban center; all the usual suspects peddling their wares on Queen Street. A busker festival did liven up the streets a bit, banjos, unicycles and tutus can do that, but on, in and through the hole it’s not why people come to New Zealand. They come for the nature, the come for the meat, they come for Lord of the Rings, and they come to experience the sheer variety of extreme activities concentrated in just two islands. With a little help from my friends, my immediate itinerary includes: Skydive, Bungee Jump, River Raft, Cave Tube, Dirt Race, Riverjet, Zorb, Luge, Simulate Freefall, Bridge Swing, Agrojet, Swoop, Sledge, Swosh, Shwing Shwong and Dangle. If I survive, I look forward to telling you all about it next week.

Eagles Nest Backpackers
Hamilton, New Zealand

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