Lost in Nippon

« Return to Japan (Tokyo)

She was a stripper! Suddenly, it all made sense. Five rows up on the packed 747 to Chicago via Tokyo was a real beauty, thick brown hair, big eyes, a tight blue vest. They never sit next to me, of course, but as luck would have it, I found myself standing next to her in the half-hour Japanese passport control fandango. I haven’t met any single women in a while, so I enthusiastically jumped into the “where-you-from-where-you-going” conversation pool. She was Israeli. She was visiting a friend. And from her body language, she was not interested in talking to a Gonzo hack. Israeli travellers are usually super friendly, especially when separated from the pack. But not her. Every verbal attack was blocked, every charming salvo deflected. Something was askew, but then I had just arrived in Tokyo after spending one night in Bangkok, so that something was probably me.

A few hours later, my Accountant is force-feeding me vodka at a high-priced strip club named Tantra. It’s a WWF showdown between my senses and my logic, and the culture shock has got me in a headlock. Unaware that her target was a budget traveller wearing borrowed clothes (mine were all being fumigated), a stripper sat next to me. The only sentence I could say without slurring was, of course, “where-you-from-where-you-going?” Israel. Israel? Israel. We were surrounded by Israeli strippers. I’m not sure what your experience is with Israelis, but put Jewish Princess and Stripper together and you can understand my confusion.
“We come to Tokyo, we work for a few months, and go home to Jerusalem and buy a condo,” says Eve (real name Eva). “It’s all about the money.” My Accountant, wearing a traditional Malaysian shirt brighter than a spotlight, leans over and adds, “Tokyo is the best city in the world, and, yep, Tokyo is all about the money!”

The Tokyo Metropolitan Area has over 26 million people, and is the largest urban area in the world. 36,000 people live here per square mile (New York has about 14,000). It does not have a landmark Times Square per se - it has dozens of them. Everyone looks absolutely, utterly, gorgeously fantastic. Japan was not on my itinerary, but I could not turn down an invitation (or plane ticket) from my Accountant. He is my oldest friend, a rogue fiend with the unique ability to convince me to do everything. He is also a Vice President at a multinational bank, and having lived in London and New York, is giving a Tokyo a run for its money. I thought that his lovely new wife might have changed his behavior, but she pointed out the bottle of tequila on the kitchen counter before I had put my bags down. In the patterns of my Modern Gonzo expedition, it makes sense that the quiet, controlled measure of Malaysia be followed with opulent excess in the world’s most happening city. I can understand this, but everything else is in Japanese.

Gonzo Gallery for Lost in Nippon

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