Hvar Out of My Element on the Dalmatian Coast

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This week I have had to question the very meaning of Gonzo. According to the definitions on my homepage, stolen from a dictionary of authority, Gonzo relates to excessiveness, overwhelming commitment, and a sprinkling of subjectivity. Surely, embarking on a trip around the world is both excessive and would require a great deal of commitment. Each week I describe the world around me as I see it, which might be different from the way you would see it, but that is the nature of subjectivity. And so here I am, on the island of Hvar, described as a “haven for wealthy international jetsetters”, whoever the hell they may be. The Adriatic is crystal clear, Roman ruins frame the town, an impressive castle rests on the hill, lit up at night amongst the stars. Enormous yachts are docked along the old boulevard, cafes line the white-stone streets, beautiful women wear sunglasses at night. And here I am, in the kitchen of a rented apartment, feeling… ambivalent. I cannot ignore the signs: Not one person had Finished the Sentence in three days. Few slice of life pictures, because I haven’t seen much in terms of nuggets of impromptu cultural worth, anything authentically Croatian. Not for lack of trying mind you. With all its charm and beauty, Hvar is like an international village of wealth, conforming to the glossy pages of the Croatian Tourism Board’s booklets. Looks great, sound great, but underneath, something is missing.

I feel like a war reporter on a military approved excursion. Everything I see is what I should see, but not what I want to see. When everything around me is too perfect, something is wrong. Here are Germans, English, Swiss, Austrians, Italians, French, dressed in Lacoste uniforms, spending more on a cocktail than my daily food budget. I asked three guys from London what they do back home, and they replied: ≥work.≤ Nobody seems particular interested in anything other than their floating penthouses, or lazing in the sun, or eating. In short, it is a holiday, and while Modern Gonzo might find me stretched on a beach for weeks at a time, there is no ≥Holiday≤ in the definition of Gonzo. Otherwise, every report would read the same: Beautiful, relaxing, slept, read, ate, repeat.

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